It wasn’t what I had planned. It wasn’t even close. But after an 18 hour labor, and a whole lot of ups and downs in between that is just way too overwhelming to detail here, it had to be done. It came to the doctors attention that my son was face up and stuck in my left pelvic. A c-section was the only way to bring him into this world safely. It was the scariest decision of my life; not knowing if he was okay, or if I’ll even be okay to see him, or hold him as fast as I could if I delivered naturally and if he was in the right position. The feeling of being all alone without my husband during the preparation of the c-section felt like forever, feeling his fear as well as my own and being alone in my thoughts on the surgery table as the thoughts tried to overpower me. The last thing I asked before they asked my husband in and started the surgery was to please let me do skin to skin as I know it’s not a standard procedure during the c-section, the only thing on my mind was hoping I get to see my son immediately as well. The nurses said it won’t probably happen but I asked the doctor more like pleaded for it to happen and thank God it happened. The Doctor placed him on my chest and face and he immediately stopped crying while I couldn’t stop 😭… it was the most beautiful moment of my life. His safety and health from the c-section and the feeling I had when he came to me made it all worth it. But I must advocate for those who have done c-sections, it was my last resort, so I barely even prepared for it nor thought about how hard it was to go through with it and heal from it. (the recovery is brutal). it’s one of the hardest decisions a mother can make and it usually has such a negative stigma to it. Its a big decision and most of the time a decision made in the final moments, but it is still as magical as natural birth when you see the strength a mother has when she chooses her babies health and safety over her own.
Finally you have entered my life my sweet Zacari. On May 8th, 2018 at 5:56 am you were born to this world weighing 7 pounds and 12 ounces with a length of 20. 5 inches.
My birth experience did not go according to plan and further, it didnt even go according to any last minute decisions I kept having to make, until the final decision; more like resort, to do an emergency c-section.
Im very overwhelmed by the whole ordeal so I’ll go in depth and write about it sometime soon. All that matters right now and to take away from this story is that baby Z is healthy and was brought into this world safe💙
39 weeks✨|| it’s been a while since I’ve been out and about, getting my walk on and trying to move around. But with this lovely weather, I had to try! It’s been an overwhelming week, so many feelings and emotions… So many changes physically and mentally. It’s officially been a full 9 months with nearly a week or so more of preparing for a love that will last a lifetime… ✨🖤 #iloveyoumorrthanyoulleverknow
I can’t wait to show you just how beautiful the world can be🌎✨9 Months—36 weeks✨ ready when you are.
I already know it, even though you are not in my arms yet, I feel you thriving and I feel you want to be in my life. With the chaos of my family always struggling with some kind of Illness, I feel you remaining calm… and strong. Because you know your mommy needs you as she battles the caregiver roll for her own mother, and her unhealthy attachment to feeling like a caregiver to anyone that seems to be needing help….
I feel so hopeless and helpless at times, like I can’t be there for my mom like I use to… I need to be there for my unborn son. I feel pulled as I try to deal with my moms many, many illnesses whilst also trying to be there and feeling so connected to all the women in my life that are battling depression because they truly express it to me so much. Maybe everyone feels like they can, like I’m strong, but I’m not. I pray every single day that you are okay my son, that you are not feeling my sorrow, that you are being my strength and truly being it, not like me; the basket case of a woman scrambling around trying to be there for everyone.
I promise my boy, I’ve been doing what I can in the moment for you, I’ve been praying, singing spiritual songs to you and letting you listen to spiritual music so that you know you’re my soul and my spirit✨
You’re already SO amazing to me, that you are so strong, Doctors keep telling me how BEAUTIFUL strong and calm your heart beat sounds. You are my Heart, my loving strong heart… that keeps me grounded, makes me feel safe.. I pray all the days of my life that you be grounded because this world, this family, this Mom… needs you 💙
From 4 to 8 months! 🌱 it’s amazing to see the progress through pictures. Belly pics are so lovely 💙!
How am I Feeling at 34 weeks?
Tired, run down and achy. Slow to get up and slow to sit down! Sleep is now deprived and I am making trips to the washroom more often just to pee a teeny tiny bit lol! Baby Z is pushing on the bladder so it feels full very quickly!
Mom started to swell a bit but I don’t think it’s been too bad. Face is a bit puffy and my feet have gone up a size!
Baby Z is making more prominent movements that feel more like stretching and gliding his limbs across Mommy’s tummy. Feeling sooo wonderful each time he moves 💙
Im happy to say that he is head down and most likely * God willing * will stay in position for birth.
Mummy is climbing up in pounds a bit too and quickly according to my OB, so I’m told to drink more water and stay away from surgar. I have been having quite a bit of sugar lately ….
Overall, we are in good spirits and doing well! Looking soooo forward to holding you Zachariah A.K.A Daddy and I’s Saving Grace Xx
On March 11 baby Z had his baby shower and it couldn’t have been any more amazing! With our family taking a huge hit from last week, I honestly didn’t think we’d pull through. But the women in my life are truly amazing , from family to friends. Baby Zachari is blessed beyond words to have such a great support system. Above is a picture of the lovely cake and my favourite childhood book which my sister in law put thought into. She organized the shower and made it so so special for me and baby Z. The day was full of games for the kiddies and for adults. I loved seeing my family smile. We really needed it too.
I hope all my bloggers are doing well💙 I’ll be sure to catch up with you all soon Xx